Reversal of Fortune--Happy Thanksgiving!

It was a beautiful day in Vegas, like most days in Vegas. Beautiful, in that surreal way, where the sky is blue, the mountains are rusty-red, and the tickets in Alex's pocket are winners! A beautiful day, as Alex went into the casino to cash out his winners. It was 1PM. 19 hours later, he was finally released from jail.

Before I go any further, please know that this all took place about a month and a half ago. I didn't want to write anything about it until we had a better sense of what was happening. See, Alex didn't know why he got arrested. He didn't know why he was charged with 8--EIGHT--felonies. He didn't know he was breaking any laws. He just knew that, after spending some time waiting for his winning tickets to be paid, he was told by a gaming agent, "These tickets are unlocked and you can cash them out. Do you understand?" and when he said, "Yes," he was then told, "Now, turn around, put your hands on the wall, you're under arrest." He was told that he was being arrested for, I don't know, something to do with defrauding the IRS, which he wasn't doing. He didn't know he would be spending a night in jail until he was actually behind bars. He didn't know that he was charged with 8--EIGHT--felonies, until he was behind those bars and got a slip of paper, listing all the charges, many of which he didn't understand at all. He wasn't able to call anyone until almost 9PM that night, but as he only knows people with cell phones, he didn't know that you cannot place collect calls to a cell phone, and the only calls you can make from Clark County Detention Center are from a pay phone, after all of your belongings have been removed, leaving you no option but to place a collect call. Basically, Alex knew nothing, other than HOLY SHIT I'VE BEEN CHARGED WITH EIGHT FELONIES AND AM SITTING IN JAIL WITH A BUNCH OF ACTUAL FELONS.

I am writing now, because his arraignment has finally taken place. A judge looked at the pending charges, he looked at the evidence, and he said, "None of these charges are applicable. What else you got?" The DA had nothing else, but the case isn't yet closed. However, it's closed enough that we finally, FINALLY, are able to catch our collective breath and know that Alex is not going to jail, he is not going to be paying gajillions of dollars in fines (though hiring a lawyer has been plenty close to gajillions for us), and we can begin to move on with our lives. We spent a very anxious 7 weeks, wondering what was to become of us, what is this career path that Alex is on, WHERE THE HELL ARE THE LAWS THAT ARE MEANT TO PROTECT US?? Turns out, in the state of Nevada anyway, that you can be arrested at any time, for any thing, as long as the arresting officer thinks that "thing" is a crime. In Alex's case, the "thing" he was arrested for was not a crime. He broke no laws. He did nothing illegal. But the arresting officer (AKA, the gaming agent, the person whose job is to know the gaming laws inside and out, the person whose job is to protect the player from the casino, the person who gets paid DIRECTLY by the casino--see any conflict of interest there??), the arresting officer thought Alex had committed a crime. Which proves one of two things: A) the man is completely incompetent; or B) the man is entirely corrupt. See, Alex has had some problems with this particular casino in the past. Well, he won a lot of money there a few years ago, and that is a problem. They don't like him. And they used this opportunity to let him know just how much they don't like him. That's what this whole thing comes down to: Alex spent a night in jail as payback. Alex had his life (and mine) thrown for a big fat loop as payback. Alex is out a LOT of money is lawyer fees as payback.

And those winning tickets that he was told were his to be cashed? They still haven't cashed them. Sigh.

This was by far one of the worst nights of Alex's life. And, well, it sucked royally for me, too. I knew he was having issues cashing these 2 tickets, as he called me at 1:15 to let me know that he had to go talk to someone to get the tix unlocked. He told me there was no problem, his friend had gone through the same thing a week earlier no big deal, that he'd call me later to let me know what was up and, What's for dinner, baby? He wasn't worried. I was. When I hadn't heard from him by 6, I was more worried. I sent him a text, saying, "Are you in jail or what?" I was kidding. Totally kidding. He didn't respond. 45 minutes later, I sent the next text, "Let me know you're okay!" Again, no response. I waited 10 minutes before calling. Straight to voicemail. I was starting to panic. I didn't have any phone numbers for his partners...but then I remembered Skype. Skype is a chat service that he uses at work, he's logged in all day, this is how they communicate with each other, so I went to Skype to see if, maybe, he was at the office and just had his phone off for some weird reason. Nope. But his partners were online, and I began to scroll through their messages, past the work-related stuff, and I started seeing things like, "Are you worried about him?" "When's the last time anyone heard from him?" "Does anyone have his girlfriend's number?" "The casino said he's been arrested." "They won't say if he's still there or in county." Well. Weeeeellllllll.... I hopped on and said, "Hi guys. It's Meg." And they caught me up on what they knew. Not much. They were already in touch with a lawyer, who was the one who had called the casino and found out that he'd been arrested. But no one knew where he was. And this was the worst part for me. Was he in jail, or...was he in a back room of the casino, getting the crap kicked out of him by some big casino goons who wanted to teach him a little lesson? I never though I would find myself saying, "Please let Alex be in jail!" But that's where I was. Oh, Please GOD, let Alex be in jail! I talked to one of his partners, then to another of his friends. And as sick as I was about the whole thing, I felt SO GLAD to know that Alex has such an amazing support network out here. He had guys in Seattle ready to send bail money, guys in Vegas leaving hockey games to try to get him taken care of, multiple lawyers already working on his case. But, at this point, no one knew where he was. They said they'd call if they found anything out, and I continued my pacing. Finally, I did something very unusual for me: I picked up the phone and called my friends. See, I'm really bad at asking for help. I'm really bad at reaching out to people. I'm a caretaker, but I feel guilty asking anyone to take care of me. Since I've been in Vegas, I can count on one hand the number of calls I've made to my friends, even though I've spent a lot of my time here feeling lonely and isolated. My friends yell at me for not reaching out. But on this night, I did. I called numerous ladies. My New York ladies. My Seattle ladies. No one answered. I left messages, something like, "Hey, how are you? Been awhile. I'm just calling to say hi, no big deal, but if you get this tonite, give me a call, I'll be up pretty late, no big deal, just want to say hi, hear your voice, I miss you, hope you're well, I love you, I'll talk to you later, no big deal, okay, bye." More pacing, more nerves. Finally, I called my mom. I knew I shouldn't, she certainly didn't need to worry, so when she answered I said, "Oh hey! No, just calling to say hi, no, I'm fine, how are you?" It took all of 60 seconds before she broke me and said, "Meg, what's wrong?" And I told her, doing my best to keep it together. But she's my mom, and so I told her, and I cried. I got off the phone with her, telling her I'd let her know as soon as I knew anything. More pacing. My phone rang, and it was Anna, calling from New York. It took about 30 seconds before I just LOST IT. Hyperventilating, totally freaking out, "What if he's bleeding in a back room somewhere? What if he's really hurt? What if, what if..." Thank goodness she called. She managed to talk me down, even got me laughing, and she stayed on the phone with me for about 30 minutes until I got another call and switched over to hear a recorded voice saying, "This is a call from Clark County Detention Center. You have a call from...Alex (oh, it was HIS VOICE, saying HIS NAME, the most beautiful sound I'd ever heard)...to accept the charges press 1". And I did so. And then it disconnected me. WHAT??! I tried calling back, I waited for the phone to ring again. Nothing. (This is due to the "no collect calls to cell phones" thing that neither of us was aware of.) More pacing. Finally, I went online. I found the CCDC site, and after some searching, I found Alex! He was in jail! And he was charged with...EIGHT FELONIES?? I saw the charges, they meant nothing to me, other than, HOLY CRAP!! I saw that bail was set at $3000 for each charge, a total of $24000. I sent the link to his file to his guys on Skype. Not long after, I got a call from one of his partners, saying that he and another guy were heading downtown to bail him out, would I like them to pick me up? YES PLEASE!! They had the bail money ready, and I was beginning to catch my breath. We went to the bail window and were ready with the money, except..."We don't accept over $10,000 in cash." What? See, when a cash transaction of $10,000 or more takes place in this country, the IRS wants to know. In the casino, you fill out what is called a CTR form (I forget what it stands for, Cash Transaction Report, I think) for cash-outs of more than 10K. (This is why Alex was originally arrested, for falsifying info on a CTR, which he didn't do. Sigh.) Seems that CCDC doesn't want to have to deal with these kinds of legalities, so no go with our cash. Okay, how about a credit card? "We don't accept over $3000 on a credit card." Okay, what about 8 credit cards? "Nope." So, what can we do? "You can go to the bank and get a cashier's check." It was 10PM, there are no banks open at 10PM. ARGH!! I was beginning to panic again, being so close to him but upheld by all this BS. Finally, the woman behind the desk, who turned out to be very helpful and kind, called another helpful and kind woman, and they discovered that Alex had already posted his bail 3 hours earlier. (He had to convince them to take his cash, write him a personal check for it, which he could then hand over to them, so no CTR's had to be filed. Bureaucracy.) So, can he come home? "Oh no, he still has to be processed." What the hell does that mean? Bureaucracy. So, can I talk to him? Or send him a note? Or something, PLEASE, just let me tell my husband that I know he's here, and that I love him, PLEASE!! The nice lady let me write him a note, telling me that he wouldn't be able to keep it, but someone would let him read it. FINE! Whatever, just let me tell him I know. (Alex later told me that one of the worst things about this night was that he couldn't get in touch with me to tell me that he was okay, that he knew how worried I would be. Reading my note was like getting a little piece of Heaven.) And so, there was nothing left to do but go home and wait. The guys drove me around a few casino parking lots until I found our car, and I headed home and waited for the call. I was home before midnight. The call came at 8:20 the next morning.

Things Alex learned in jail:

1. Speak only when spoken to. (This is in reference to the prison guards.) Don't ask questions. Don't make eye contact. Many of these guards are just itching for a fight.
2. Prison is bureaucracy at its most inefficient.
3. Expect to be there for at least 12 hours, even if you walk in with bail in your pocket.
4. You will be transferred to at least 5 different, over-crowded cells during your stay.
5. If you get charged with felonies, you will be held with the other felons. (Alex's cellmates were in mostly for violent crimes. And they all knew he was a newbie. And when they looked at his sheet, they all felt that he was in a lot more trouble than they were. EIGHT FELONIES!!)
6. A very thorough pat-down will occur on at least 2 occasions, along with a check of your hair, mouth, nose, ears, socks, jocks, and then some. (No cavity search, thankfully.)
7. KNOW SOME PHONE NUMBERS OFFHAND!! And make sure you've got a land-line to call.
8. Before heading into the cells, you will be injected with something which, should your arm turn purple later on, indicates that you have contracted tuberculosis while in jail. (No purple arm, thankfully.)
9. There is a 3:30AM meal at CCDC, but only in certain kinds of holding cells. Sucks to get moved at 3:15. (By the time Alex got home, he hadn't slept or eaten for over 25 hours.)
10. Having to watch/listen to "The Matrix 2" over 3 times in a row is cruel and unusual punishment.

All in all, this has been one hell of a learning experience. I have learned that I don't trust my legal system. I don't feel protected; I feel screwed. I have learned that Alex is in a business full of shady dealings, but he has some real stand-up guys at his back. The thing is, Alex loves his job. Really loves it. And he's good at it. Really good at it. He found the thing that he's supposed to do, which is blessing. Sure, there are times when I wish he had some nice, safe job, with benefits and regular hours and a steady paycheck. But before he was a pro-gambler, Alex was a Wall Street stockbroker. Imagine how screwed we'd be if he was still doing that! Besides, look at me. What do I want to do with my life? I want to be a performer! I go months without a job, I go through all kinds of hell even when I get the job, I've got no security, no benefits, no safety...And I wouldn't trade it for anything. Because this is what I'm meant to do. Being onstage makes me feel alive in a way that nothing else does. Why would I ever give that up? It's the same thing with Alex. For years, he couldn't understand how I could put up with all the crap I go through try to be an actor. It wasn't until he found the thing he's supposed to do that he understood.

So, here we are in Vegas. The gambler and the showgirl. Really, I think we were born in the wrong era. We should have been living in the Wild West, me as a saloon singer/madame, Alex as the man running the tables. We'll find our way in this 21st century wild west, I'm sure. I believe it's meant to be. We're not meant for an easy, traditional life, me and my guy. We've had a roller coaster existence thus far, and I'm sure it will continue. And while that frightens me at times, while I wish I knew what kind of money we'll have or when I'll have another job or whether Alex will be going back to jail on trumped-up charges again, it frightens me less than thinking about giving it all up, looking for safety in jobs that don't excite us or mean anything to us beyond a paycheck. In truth, we are lucky as hell to know what we are supposed to be doing in this life. How many people are just going through the motions out there, wondering what there is to wake up for in the morning? We are lucky as hell to have found each other in the madness of this world, to have a partner-in-crime in each other, to know that we've got nothing but support from each other. If I had to choose between this life or some other, a life with steady paychecks and a steady address and a steady future...well, as we're all finding out, there's no such thing as steady in this world. All the safe bets that people have made, with 401Ks and home values and legally-binding marriages, well, we all know what kind of stability you find there. No, I'll take the risks over the safety, I'll take the roller coaster over the merry-go-round, I'll take my chances at finding happiness in the only way that's ever made sense to me. Will there be heartache ahead? No doubt. Will we spend a lot of our lives struggling? You betcha. Will it be worth it? In every way imaginable.

I am thankful for many things. I am thankful for my family, the best, most supportive family an out-of-work actor who is meant to be a STAR could have. I am thankful for my friends, the old friends who've stood by me through the years of my craziness and love me even more today, the new friends who have reminded me how young I still am, and the friends I'm just making out here in Vegas, my mailman and my voice teacher extraordinaire, who see my possibilities even when I don't. I'm thankful for the directors who've given me a chance, and those who will do so in my future. I'm thankful for my voice, for the knowledge that I have a gift in it. I'm thankful for the adventures I've lived through and the ones that await me. I'm thankful for my baby, my almost-14-year-old kitty who lets me be a mom. I'm thankful to have a place to stay connected with all of you, and to let you get to know me a little better. I'm thankful for Alex, for the 15 years he's been in my life, for the almost 13 years he's been my guy, and for the incredible years we've got ahead of us. I'm thankful to be alive, even though I don't live as completely as I should. I have so much to be thankful for, and I have to remind myself of this, on those days when our finances seems to be eating us alive, on those nights when I wonder, Will I ever be onstage again? I am the luckiest girl alive, I think, because I am Me. And I wouldn't choose to be anyone else. Broke as I am, unemployed as I am, struggling as I am, lost as I am, scared as I am, stagnant as I am, everything that I am, I am Me. How lucky am I?

Happy Thanksgiving to one and all! Here's wishing you a chance to feel as lucky as I do, just to be alive, just to be the incredible people you all are. Because you are, each and every one of you. How lucky am I to have you in my life? AND WHEN ARE YOU COMING TO VISIT???

With love.