Name these kittens!

I have a kitten sleeping against my thigh. And another one sleeping at my feet. Heaven!

On Friday, Alex and I found our perfect furry companions in a pair of 9-week old brothers. We adopted them from PAWS Cat City as soon as they were brought in. I looked into a carrier, saw a little white face, and fell in love. Alex was right there with me. Then, a little grey faced popped up beside the little white face, and it was double love. They were very nervous, which is understandable, as they'd just been transported to yet another new location, and they'd been neutered only one day before. But love makes all things seem possible, and we brought them home, hoping that 1) the kittens would get along with each other, and 2) the kittens would want to play with us. SCORE!! These little guys are the very best of friends, constantly wrestling each other (and chasing each others tails, which is stupidly cute), and when one is ready to take a nap, he hops into the bed and mews for his brother to come join him, which he does! They generally sleep curled up with each other (this is the first time I've seen them sleeping separately) which makes them look like a yin & yang symbol:

They are total snuggle brothers!

And they seem to be falling in love with me and Alex. The grey guy has been a lover from day 1, letting us pick him up and pet him, turning into a little purr machine. The white guy is a bit more reserved (though in every other way, he is the more adventurous of the two), but seeing as how that's the one curled up against my thigh, purring away, I'd say he's warming up pretty quickly. It's been nothing but love and looniness in this apartment for 4 days straight!

And now, we have to name them! They came with names (Taz for the white guy and Kashi for the grey) but we're not keeping those. Alex's immediate thought (which says so much about the man I love) was Beavis and Butthead. No way, not even a little bit. We then started thinking of brothers we could name them after: Groucho and Harpo, Bo & Luke Duke, Wilbur & Orville Wright, Michael & Tito, Charlie Sheen & Emilio Estevez. Those didn't stick. Other famous pairs: Abbott & Costello, Kirk & Spock (Alex is a fan of this idea), Ponch & John (from CHiPs), Fonzie & Chachi, Crockett & Tubbs (from "Miami Vice"--I'm a fan of this idea, but Alex says no way), Lenny & Squiggy, Cheech & Chong, Starsky & Hutch (which goes well with The Camaro). So many possibilities, but what to choose, what to choose...?

Alex started calling this guy Smokey...

...which means this little guy would be The Bandit.

Smokey and The Bandit. It just might stick...

Have any ideas you'd like to share? Send them my way!!

Labor Day already? But summer has just begun!

It was 80 degrees in Seattle today. Beautiful. It felt like summer. It's supposed to be like this all week. Summer. Yes, here in Seattle, we are feeling the arrival of summer just in time for football season. Sigh.

Seeing as how I didn't post anything on this blog for the majority of summer, I'd like to give a quick highlight reel of Summer '11. Here goes...

This is the Rat City Rollergirls Roller Derby Championship bout. Alex and I celebrated our 15th quasi-anniversary by renting a suite at Key Arena for the event and bringing in some friends to cheer on the ladies.

And oh how we cheered when Grave Danger beat The Throttle Rockets!

Our dear friend, TJ, came for an awesome visit from LA. (This pic was taken in mid-July. Does that look like summer to you?) We toured Seattle, travelled to Vancouver, listened to lots of music from 80's hair bands, watched some awful movies starring Travolta and Curtis "50 Cent" Jackson, ate great seafood...it was a good time had by all, and I can't wait for her to come back next summer (hopefully when it actually feels like summer).

We went back to Windham, NY for a reunion with Barbara's Bi-Illogical Family, and...

I got to see Barbara fall in love with her grandparents. And vice versa!

And we got to go to NYC to meet our new niece, who was about as big as my size 7 foot (and who was also seemingly offended by it, from the look on her face).

Another visit to Vancouver, this time with Alex and his mom. (We actually had some pretty great weather, even allowing for an afternoon without a jacket!)

Turns out, our place is right near a parade route, so we got great seats to lots of them, from Gay Pride to the Lions Club to the Sea Fair Torchlight Parade. Pretty awesome perk to our downtown location!

We also have a good spot for watching the Blue Angels during Sea Fair.

I got to take lots of walks to the waterfront with Alex (hey, that totally looks like summer!)

And last, but certainly not least...

WE GOT KITTENS!!! A Labor Day treat. (Don't worry, there will be LOTS more pics of these adorable little fuzzbuckets coming soon.)

And so, I wish you a very happy Labor Day, and I hope your summer has been full of joy. It's been a good one here, but it also feels like it's just getting started. I'm wearing tank tops all week to celebrate!

The hunt has begun....

Now that we know we are ready for a kitten, Alex and I are wasting no time in making it happen! We spent an hour at the Seattle Rescue Center yesterday, cuddling kittens and doing our best not to walk away with every one of them. I was extra-good at that last part, because we ended up leaving empty-handed, all because of me. It's not that I didn't see anything I liked. I mean, we're talking KITTENS here, I liked them all, I wanted them all, but somehow, it just didn't feel right. And I can't say why. It's not as if I'm looking for the perfect little friend, and really, a kitten is an entirely different creature from the cat it will one day become, so I wasn't looking for the perfect feline personality. I don't know what I'm looking for. I got lucky with She-ra. She-ra was one of only 2 kittens available on that May day in 1995 when I went with my roommate (who was fully in charge of the kitten project; after all, it was his decision and his parenting responsibility, I was just along for the kitten-picking, until said roommate decided to go galavanting in Europe 4 months later and She-ra was left under my care, for the rest of her 15.5 years) to go kitten-shopping at the Boston pound. The other kitten was painfully cute and even more painfully shy, while She-ra was kinda scruffy but oh so happy to jump right out of her cage and make friends with us humans. We figured that her demeanor was a better match for our college-party lifestyle. Like I said, I got lucky with her, in that she was very low-maintenance, she was quiet, she was affectionate without being needy...what the hell, she was perfect. But she was NOTHING like that outgoing kitten I met at the pound. So I'm not looking for the cat who will be living with me for the next 15-35 years when I'm looking at a kitten; I know better than that. I'm just looking for something to love. But somehow, as much as I loved the little faces I saw yesterday, none felt like The One. Which is kinda crazy. I mean, look at these guys:

How could I not love these little fuzzbuckets? How could I not take them home? The little yellow one was cuddly and affectionate, and his grey & white brother, while a total scaredy-cat, was so soft, I wanted to put him under my cheek and take a nap on him. But somehow, I said no, even as Alex had the adoption papers in his hand. It just didn't feel right.

We're off today to another shelter, and who knows, the next little face you see here might be the newest addition to our untraditional family.

One year later

A year ago today, Alex and I packed up our black Buick Regal and said goodbye to Jersey City, ready to make the move, yet again, to the western side of the Rockies. The route we chose was almost identical to the route we drove in 1998, the first time we embarked on a westward adventure. In 1998, it was a green Oldsmobile that carried us, and the main difference between the two routes was the early part, as we began that first trip from Philadelphia, traveling along the Pennsy' Pike until we met up with Route 80 in Ohio. In 2010, we drove onto 80 West after only a few miles on the Jersey Turnpike. The passengers on both trips were the same: Alex, myself, and poor sweet She-ra, never a fan of car rides but an unfortunate passenger on more cross-country journeys than most Americans will ever undertake. 5 times she made the trip, 3 times westward and twice back east. Not to mention a drive from Seattle to LA, and a round-trip between Vegas and Seattle. And, oh yeah, that first journey, from Boston to Philly. Poor thing. A year ago today, she would have been huddled under the passenger's seat of the Buick, silent and anxious and most likely wondering "Are we there yet?" Eventually, we were. Eventually, we arrived in Seattle. Again. And she was able to get out of the car and find a closet to hide in. One year ago.

Much has changed in the past year. For starters, Buford the Buick is now being driven by a dear friend of ours, and Alex and I are driving a totally bitchin' cherry red Camaro whom we call The Sexy Beast. She-ra had only one ride in The Beast, and it was on Christmas Eve, the night she died, one of the saddest nights of my life. My heart still breaks to think of it. She-ra never got to see the place we now call home, though she spent her last months only one floor above it. Same building, different view. What's also changed is that for the first time in several years, Alex and I have furniture of our very own, furniture that, should we move again, will absolutely be coming with us. No more furnished rentals on the horizon for us. What else has changed? Well, I'm an aunt! Brayton Isabelle is the best thing 7-11 ever produced, let me tell you. Also, I'm the mother of a little girl who just took her first steps! She's balder than my brothers, but she's now walking, which means her daddies will never sleep again. And, oh yeah, I got to see my parents become grandparents to two of the most perfect girls in the world, and while there was never any doubt that they were meant for grandparenting, it is nonetheless an incredible experience to see how much love can fill a room when they are with their girls. (Oh, I can't wait for the day that they're in a room with both girls at the same time--their heads may explode from an overdose of joy!) So much change…

I begin teaching my first acting class this month, that's new. And I've just been cast in a musical, holy cow, that's new. Alex has discovered the joys of balancing work and life, very new and very very AWESOME. And, he and I are happy. Which is not new, necessarily, but the past few years have made happiness a limited experience, so to feel joy on a regular basis again, that's new. And beautiful. I live within miles of my very best girlfriends, and while I used to share an apartment with two of them, it's been over a decade since we were all in the same town. New again. I like it.

The year ahead feels ripe for change. I'm ready for it. The past year has been challenging, not bad, just tough. Tough, yet filled with hope. It's the hope that has kept me going, the hope that this move, this resettlement in Seattle, is a move grounded in stability. Stability, that's new. Signing a 2-year lease, that's new. And looking ahead without seeing another cross-country trip, that's new. Unless something very unexpected happens in the next 4 months, 2011 will be the first year Alex and I have not driven cross-country since we left Seattle in 2003. And it feels good. It feels good to feel grounded. It feels good to think of the place I'm living as HOME.

And something else that's new, very new, is the feeling that Alex and I are once again ready to welcome something fuzzy into our lives. Something fuzzy like a kitten. It's time. We are ready. Our broken hearts have mended enough that we can think of She-ra most days without tears, we can think of her and all the joy she brought us, and we can think of how much joy we are ready for, once again. And so, be prepared in the coming weeks to see pictures of something cute and fuzzy, something with a little kitten nose and little kitten ears and a little kitten tail. I don't know who is going to be coming home with us, but I know that our home is ready for our family to be complete again. Stay tuned...

Shifting views

Some months ago, I wrote about our impending move from our fabulous 11th floor perch to an unknown location. I've been meaning to post an update on said move, but I won't go into detail at this time. Suffice it to say, we moved from the 11th floor down to the 10th. Same fabulous building, even more fabulous apartment. I've moved many times in my adult life, and this move was by far the easiest. I didn't even need to use the elevator for most of it! Plus, we'd been renting furnished homes since 2008, meaning we haven't had any furniture, dishes, towels, sheets, ANYTHING of our own really, which made for even easier moving! Granted, we did have to purchase all of those items, which required a visit from my mother to keep me from losing my mind (I am not fond of shopping, not even a little bit), but that meant that all of the big items were delivered and installed and put together for us. Best move ever, into the best apartment ever!!

I won't do a full tour of the apartment now, but I do want to update you on our view. If you'll recall, one of the absolute best things about our 11th floor perch was the view. Our floor-to-ceiling windows faced south, and there were no high-rises for many blocks, giving us a stunning skyline view. Here's what we were looking at:

We're now one floor below, and we still have a southern view. Here's what we're looking at today:

Goodbye skyline, hello Honey Bucket. (Honey Bucket has to be the most awesomely inappropriate name for a port-a-potty ever, and it's currently hanging out on the corner of the 12th floor of what will eventually be a 17-story apartment building.) Yes, our awesome skyline is no more. Instead, I get to learn a bit about how concrete-and-steel buildings are constructed (which has helped me understand a little better how the concrete ceiling above me can so effectively fight off gravity). And I get to listen to buzz saws and drills and hammers from 7am till 5pm, 6 glorious days a week. Sigh.

But here's the thing that makes it all okay: our wonderful 10th floor perch is a corner unit, which means that we not only have a southern view, we also have windows facing the east. I wish it was a clear, sunny day today, so I could show off the Cascade Mountains beyond Lake Union, but I'm sure you can still appreciate what we've been enjoying out of our windows, even under the cloud cover:

The Space Needle is just a few blocks northeast of us, and we get to see it every day, from every room! We also look out at Lake Union, which is dotted with sailboats on sunny afternoons. And the view continues to the southeast:

Yes, there's that construction project blocking out our skyline, but there's still plenty of skyline to be seen. (Added bonus: check out the dueling construction/deconstruction projects--to the left of the view-blocking building is a building sheathed in black mesh, which is slowly being taken apart, bit by salvageable bit, after discovering just over a year ago that the 9-year-old apartment complex was a veritable death trap. Funnily enough, the construction is happening much faster than the deconstruction, at the pace of 1 floor per week. The deconstruction, well, it's much slower than an implosion.) And we also get a bit of western view from our balcony and my southern reading chair:

That's Puget Sound, and I like to sit in my chair and watch the ferries go back and forth to Bainbridge and Bremerton islands. It's awesome.

So, this is where I'm hanging my hat these days. It's the first real home Alex and I have had in a while. Well, I shouldn't say that, we've lived in great places, and our wonderful house in Jersey City (which we inhabitants named Maui East) was the perfect place to call home after our hellish year in Vegas. But this apartment feels different. Maybe it's the 2-year lease (which is long enough for our families to write down our address in actual ink), maybe it's the fact that all of the stuff in it is our stuff, nothing borrowed, nothing to be left behind when--or maybe IF, fingers crossed for dreams to come true--we move to the next place, maybe it's the fact that we both feel so at home here, in this city, in this togetherness we've created. Whatever it is, not a day has gone by that we haven't said, "I love it here." Even with the buzz saws and the hammers and the disappearance of our skyline. We love it here, and that makes it home.

Pride

It's a stunning day in Seattle. The sky is bright blue with wisps of clouds hanging above the mountain tops, and the Space Needle is flying a rainbow flag.

It's Pride Weekend here in Seattle and all over the country, and there is so much to be proud about! The parade route runs just a block from my building, and for the past 2 hours I've heard non-stop cheering and shouting and music. It's a party in this town, and it's a party in this country. Not only is this a day to celebrate and love the person you are, but this weekend is made extra-special by the late-night vote passed by the NY State Senate on Friday giving homosexuals the right to marry. I know that for some of you reading this post, this is not something to celebrate. But for me, for many people I love, this is bigger than big. No, I'm not gay, I'm not even married (not in a legal sense, but Alex is my husband in every sense that matters to the two of us). But I recognize what an important step marriage is for many, heck, for MOST people. And to have one more state in the United States of America recognize that this is a matter of civil rights, that is something worth celebrating. I've heard all the talk about defending the institution of marriage and that marriage has forever been defined as a union between a man and a woman, but I can't support such ideas, not in this country, not in this century. In this country, two drunk 18 year olds can get married on a whim in Las Vegas and then get a drive-through divorce the next day, as long as they're not of the same sex. I know people who have been married and divorced multiple times in a decade, and this is somehow more defensible than a legal marriage between two men who have been in love and committed to one another for twice as long. In this century, we marry for love, but the idea of marrying for love is relatively new in regards to the institution of marriage. Love never entered into it until just a few centuries ago. Marriage was always a business arrangement, and I think most people today would scoff at such an idea. Marriage today is about two people who love each other and want to commit themselves to one another for life, for better or worse, in sickness and in health, you know how it goes. Marriage is not something to be taken lightly, and the idea that allowing gays to marry somehow reduces the significance of marriage is laughable. The idea that allowing gays to marry is allowing them to "flaunt" it, well, that's true. They would be flaunting it, by gathering together their friends and family and saying to all of them, "I love this person so much that I want to shout it out for everyone to know", yes, that's flaunting it. Which is what weddings are about! Every wedding I've gone to, I'm there to celebrate and honor the love of two people. Every wedding is flaunting it! And it's beautiful, it's the most beautiful thing a couple can share with the people they care about. I don't care who you are, if you've been married and have had a wedding, you were flaunting it. And good for you!! I applaud your decision to do so! But if you then say that it's wrong for other adults to do the same things because you don't respect or understand or accept their kind of love, I say that's terribly unkind. Make any argument you want against gay marriage, but you're not going to convince me that it's wrong. In fact, you will only make me that much angrier that this is even an argument. This is the civil rights movement of my generation, and I am proud to be living in a time and place where thousands of people, gay and straight, will gather together to shout out loud THIS IS WHO I AM, THIS IS WHO I WAS BORN TO BE, AND THERE IS NOTHING SHAMEFUL ABOUT IT! To come out of the closet, to remove the cloak of secrecy, that is a terrifically brave thing to do. And to have a day where that courage is honored so openly, so vibrantly, so LOUDLY, that is a beautiful thing.
Like I said, this parade has been happening for 2 hours now, and it's only just begun. Here's hoping that next year's parade will be celebrating even more states who recognize that marriage is a choice, but homosexuality isn't.

Hope springs

I'm in a funny place. I'd call it good. I'd call it optimistic. I'd call it hopeful. Which feels kinda funny. Let me explain:

I opened my eyes this morning to a cloud-covered sky with bright spots of sunlight trying to push on through. I opened my eyes, and almost immediately, my heart sank, as I felt the sting of my latest rejection. I had an audition on Tuesday for a show that I REALLY REALLY WANT, and the callbacks are today, and for the past two days I've been analyzing every second of that audition, wondering whether I'd be getting a callback. I know I did a great job with the audition. I came in prepared, with strong character choices and memorized lines. I showed a clear knowledge of the script and a keen interest in the relationships between the characters. I presented myself as a professional, someone who might be fun to work with, someone who will work very hard to get the job done. I did a great job with the audition, I know I did. And the casting director and the director were very friendly and I was relaxed and happy to be there and I had fun and I think they did, too. So, I haven't spent the past two days analyzing my performance; rather, I've been analyzing the way they said "Thanks so much for coming in today, Meg." I've been wondering about the tone: were they saying, "Thanks so much for showing us who this character is, we'll see you at callbacks" or were they saying, "Thanks so much for all your hard work, but we won't be needing you anymore." It's hard to tell. And though I spent days obsessing over it, it's really a hypothetical, because there was no way of knowing until....well, by 11pm last night, I knew. After all, the callbacks happen in a matter of hours, and there's no way they'd wait until NOW to call me in. Sigh. And so, moments after I opened my eyes this morning, moments after waking from what I'll assume was a pleasant night's sleep (as I don't recall any bad dreams or night sweats interrupting my slumber), that sinking feeling of deep disappointment overtook me. Yet another rejection to add to the ever-growing list of painful rejections as I seek to begin my acting career here in Seattle.

So....where's the hope?

Funnily enough, the hope arose not too long after the morning's disappointment. Because as much as the rejection is painful, and as much as it's been happening A LOT these past few months, the truth is, I feel like each rejection is bringing me closer to living the dream. I have a pretty good sense of what I bring into the room when I audition, and I have no doubt that I am making an impression on these auditors. A good impression. I am showing professionalism and talent and dedication, I am not walking into the room with a sense of desperation but rather a desire to play. In truth, I've had a lot of fun at my auditions, and it shows. And come on, who wouldn't want to hire a talented professional who has fun even in a situation that could be gut-wrenching? Okay, okay, I've only actually been cast in 1 show out of the I-can't-remember-how-many auditions I've gone to in 2011, but I feel like every rejection is pushing me closer to my goal, every rejection is actually a foot in the door. Perhaps that sounds delusional, but it's the truth of what I'm feeling. Seattle is a small city with a small, tightly woven theatre community. People here are hesitant to take chances on an unknown. I've been told by one casting director that she's a "big fan", another told me she needed to introduce me to her company as they need to know what I can do, and I have had 2 auditions here where the director told me that I did something to "perfection", and while neither cast me (I guess perfection wasn't what they were looking for) I do think they were being sincere. In both cases, the director cast a woman she had already worked with on another show, taking the scary "unknown" factor out of the running. In both cases, I was rejected with a message telling me how amazing I am, what an incredible job I did at the audition, how much the director would like to work with me, but unfortunately blah blah blah. Which sucks, honestly. To be told how good I am, how great I'd be to work with EXCEPT....well, it hurts. Every time. I've been doing a lot of hurting. Last week, I cried after hearing the latest YOU WERE SO GREAT rejection. I mean, what do I have to do to become a known factor so I can get cast in this town?? How can I be so great and yet so unemployed??

But this has been a good week, a week that has helped me feel like the hard work and the determination and the generally positive attitude are going to produce results. Last Friday, I was hired for a one-day staged reading at the Seattle theatre of my dreams, and I had a lot of fun and did what I would say was an impressionable job. And the audition on Tuesday was at that same theatre, which is not the easiest place to get an audition. So I'm officially on their radar. On Monday night, I got to sing a few songs with a band at a gala for the theatre school where I've been assistant teaching, and while there weren't many people watching or listening (we were the background music during the silent auction part of the evening), I had a great time and felt quite at home with a mic in my hand. And yesterday, I did a general audition for another company I'd LOVE to work with and I got to hug a woman I worked with a decade ago who is directing one of their shows this season, and I had so much fun doing my monologue for them. Rehearsals have been great for the short play festival, which opens next Friday, June 3rd. I'm busy doing things I love to do, and I'm making an impression on the people I'm hoping to work with in this town. Even though I haven't been cast in much, I can't help but feel that every audition has been an opportunity for me to become better known, and therefore more of a factor to be seriously considered in the casting process.

And there springs the hope. The sky today seems to be a physical metaphor for my life as an actor in Seattle: there's an almost overwhelming amount of cloud cover, but the sun is fighting hard to break on through to the city below. Yes, I am comparing myself to the sun. And oh, how brightly my little light will shine once I've broken through these barriers! Perhaps it sounds egotistical, but what actor isn't egotistical? I'd like to think it sounds hopeful, or optimistic, or even joyous. Trust me, if you were applying for your dream job week after week and losing out week after week, the only options available are wallowing in self-pity, giving up entirely, or embracing the challenges and trusting that it's only a matter of time before someone will be bold enough to give you a chance, and once you've got that chance, you will run with it and show the world how much that chance is deserved. That's where I'm living these days, at the intersection of HOPE and LOSS, and I know which road I plan on choosing.

PS: I already got an invite to an audition based on yesterday's general. Fingers crossed yet again!!